Things you lose

No doubt about the fact that chronic disease takes a toll on the plans that we have for the future.

How much does that matter?  If you don't have concrete plans for your life your immediate goals are not thwarted, however most of us have kids, grandkids and relatives to deal with. RA can change all of your social relationships.  It is a large price you pay when you are not even able to pick up your children or grandchildren.  I think that is the most poignant problem.

This is me with long hair.  With RA it was just too much work, so even though it survived baby sneezes full of pablum and many sticky fingers it had to go.  Actually I think I still have it in a drawer somewhere.  Lost...

There is no easy answer for this.  RA is the "gift" that keeps on taking, so you have to go through the whole loss  and grief cycle over and over.  

We need to find coping resources that help us to make sense of events and to manage them.  These resources can be anything that works for you.  Most commonly social support and the strength you have within are the most help.

It is good to switch your focus to factors that promote your health and well being.  I have read so many blogs recently where people are doing just that. 

Like Arthritis Ashley collecting information and links to share with everyone and Tanya Martin working hard to get more people involved and with advocating to make things better.  

Also on a really big scale RA Warrior.  I bet that when Kelly started on her path she never dreamed that her blog would resonate with so many people.  

Don't discount the benefits of educating yourself so that you can understand what is going on in your life and try to manage some parts of it. 
                                                          

This learning skeleton is by Aaron Kuehn in case learning anatomy is on your To Do list

This is a huge topic and there will be more to come.

Identity and Work (Permanent labor force non-participation)

When I was diagnosed with RA I was working part time in a bank as a customer service representative.  The friendships I had with people over many years and with fellow workers were important, but fatigue and painful feet made it difficult to carry on as the RA progressed.  It was a gradual change but continuous and unwelcome.

        (A TD Bank in New York. Surprised to see familiar company elsewhere)

I started working part time in market research at that point and found that sitting down talking on the phone was far more possible for me.  When the company owner found true love (and busted up two marriages in the process) two of us there decided that we could do the job so we made a deal to buy the company. 

It is so much easier to be the boss.  Management accommodates your every need.  I had a great collection of suns and garage sale art in our office and really enjoyed talking to our clients and solving their problems. There was some friction.  My partner at one point said that if she had known the extent to which RA would affect me she never would have gone ahead with the partnership.

                                                                   The sun wall

However all good things come to an end. Our company was purchased; then my contract ended.  Suddenly I had no authority, no employees and a basement full of pictures.  After 20 years of working with no end in sight the sidewalk suddenly ended.

And as you all know working with RA takes quite a toll. When you're doing a demanding job with a chronic illness many find that working is pretty well all that you can manage to do.  We go home and rest after every day and then try to squeeze the rest of our lives into the weekend.  Something has to give and it is often social life, family responsibilities and creative lives that atrophy. 

I have said on occasion that I feel as though my life could be represented by a bonsai tree. It's lovely to look at bonsai but it represents a deliberate stunting and pruning of the tree, both the roots and branches.

This change in life, from working to not working, is tied up in our identities and the way we see ourselves.  As hard as it is to keep working, it's even harder to stop. 

Have any of you found good ways to deal with the new horizon of not working? 

So far I am consoling myself with a rich new group of virtual friends and news from the old office is like dispatches from a war zone. 

Maybe it's time to have fun and play with grandchildren...

Or my "art"... 

This is from the blog post called "I Never Met a Couch Potato with RA"